I live with a shadow
Sometimes it darkens
Heavy and black
Sometimes it fades
A lighter grey, but
Never quite sees enough light
To dissappear entirely
I am an inbetweener
Never fully free
Yet, in this moment
Not fully tied
I am a limboer
Not yet near death
But unable to move forward
With life
No career
Never reliable
Unable to plan for a future
I am stuck
In the moment
And that is all I have
And that is ok
Whilst I can swim in the sea
Dance in the kitchen
Ride horses across the moor
And, most important of all
Go on adventures with Grace
I am in the eye of the storm
The calm
With no forecast
For when I will reach the edges
No clue when they will
Smash into me
Ripping everything apart
Will it be
Piece by small piece
Or one huge thunderclap
Bringing immediate nothingness?
This storm has raged for over 6 years
I am enjoying the peace of this Eye
A quiet stillness surrounds me
As does the shadow of the storm
I know it encircles me
Biding its time
Forever living with a shadow that will never quite see enough light
Forever living in hope a glimmer of light will always be enough.