Noticing the glimmers and finding the joy

Winter Writing Sanctuary - Invitation E

I am continuing to post my writings which are part of

Beth Kempton

‘s Winter Writing Sanctuary.

This was a hard one - looking back on 2023. I was diagnosed with incurable cancer at the start of 2023 so you can imagine the year I have had! I started writing something from my daughter's perspective but found it quite difficult to get a flow. I've copied it below after the one called Noticing the glimmers and finding the joy. I will revisit it some time.

Invitation E

Noticing the glimmers and finding the joy

“Without treatment perhaps 12 months”

The answer to the question I didn’t want to ask

What a way to begin 2023

The second question, why me?

Tests, scans, procedures commence

Can I lay here and pretend?

Just bury my head

Poison given permission to flow through my veins

Every week, never ending, it’s always the same

I pray it’ll poison the bad

not just the good

Where am I? I don’t quite remember

Apparently I’d fallen and had a terrifying seizure

In and out of consciousness, totally unaware

When I finally wake my brother from Spain is standing there

I wade through the frustration, the anger and fear

I allow myself time to shed all the tears

Sometimes the sob is quiet and internal

Other times it roars, the feeling infernal

Good news at last the scan results are in

The tumours have shrunk,

Hope beckons and a shift begins

Seek the glimmers, it’s not all doom and gloom

We can find a way to keep joy and hope in the room

My daughter needs more years with her mum

It's time to start planning

We need some fun!

A plea to help with fundraising commences

To allow me to enjoy what remains of my life

Alongside my daughter, it’s all that matters

Just 6 years old, she doesn’t deserve to have her life shattered

A puppy, a pony, Legoland and Scotland

Carriage driving, skating, Dartmoor and boating

Baking, pumpkins, fairies and donkeys

Adventure parks, safari parks, lions, wolves and tigers

Comic con, theatre, pony riding and shire horses

London, reindeer, concerts, festivals and Santa

Camping, cats, beaches and not forgetting a canter

Just a few of the glimmers we’ve all managed

In between the numerous weekly hospital visits

Friendship and family the love is strong

Forever grateful for every single one

Invitation E - Number 2

Mummy

First day back at school

I don't want go back

Mummy’s been crying, I don't know why

Is it my fault?

Nana and Grandad are taking me to school

Daddy is picking me up

Where's mummy?

I don't want to go swimming

Only mummy takes me

I love to show off in front of HER

Mummy has a strange lump under her skin

She calls it a port, I don't want to talk about it

She's going to hospital a lot

Mummy is in bed, I keep trying to get her to play but she won't, it's not fair.

We have a puppy!! I got home from school and there he was! I love him.

Mummy isn't here, I woke up and she was gone and I'm not allowed to see her.

I SAW MUMMY I got to ride on a wheelchair it was so much fun. Uncle was there too, he flew from Spain to see mummy but didn't bring my cousin.

Mummy still isn't home, I'm so sad. Daddy says she'll be home soon.

Cancer, that's the word I keep hearing and they try to explain, I don’t want to hear.

Mummy is home! She's in bed but she's home! I'm so excited

Mummy is too tired to play or read

Mummy's hair has all gone

Mummy needs a stick and has a small car to drive to the park when she can

It’s fun Iove whizzing around on it!

Mummy was at the school gate today, I ran over to her grinning and gave her the biggest hug. I showed her how good I was on the monkey bars

We are going to Legoland! Some nice people have organised it and we are staying in a Lego room!

It was the best time ever! I want to go back.

Mummy is away again.

I saw mummy in the hospital, we went for a ride on the wheelchair and got a doughnut. We sat outside and snuggled

Mummy is home!

School is great, I have a teacher all to myself on Monday mornings and we do fun things

Mummy asks if I have any question about her going to hospital every week, I don't really know what she means, I don't want to know.

I wish things were how they were before Christmas, when mummy joined in and wasn't in bed all the time.

We are going on holiday to Scotland! Me mummy, daddy and Dougal the pup.

We stayed in a hotel then a bungalow

We went on a ferry, it was very wobbly

We went horse riding on the beach

I got a toy from the toy shop

We saw some gigantic stones, mummy was very excited to see them!

School holidays have been fun, sometimes mummy isn't here but when she is we play and go out.

Mummy isn't using her stick or little car anymore. We went swimming. We went ice skating. We went pony riding. We went to the theatre. We went to Dartmoor and jumped the stones in the river.

Mummy cried at Christmas, I hope she's OK. I just want Mummy back and how things were before....before that word... Cancer

https://www.gofundme.com/f/kathryn-fight-cancer-make-memories-with-grace