Water has always been a healing place for me. In 2016 I had a missed miscarriage, the day I heard the news I just needed to go to the water and get in it. We went to Fingle Bridge and I paddled but really I just wanted to immerse myself entirely.
Water calls to me, perhaps that's another reason (other than the horses) why I always wanted to go to Iceland, the land of fire and ice, but also an awful lot of water in it's various forms! I stood by a waterfall for quite some time, the melted glaciers soaking me as the roaring filled every essence of my being, nothing else existed in that moment. It was cold, wet and I was smiling. The lagoons of icebergs took my breath away, the warm waters of the thermal springs another experience entirely and each of them healing in their own ways.
I've looked enviously at photos shared on social media of people wild swimming, paddleboarding and enjoying the water and wished that was me. It felt far from reach most of the time due to my fatigue and need to pace and rest. Other things always came first and I felt I needed someone to go with and I never had that person.
When I was diagnosed with secondary cancer, life changed overnight. Funny how opportunities present themselves from the most dire of situations. That's why I pushed to finally get to Iceland, I had to do it whilst I still could. Time to do the things I'd planned in the future are suddenly somewhat limited, the retirement I'd envisaged to finally travel is no more.
A terminal diagnosis puts things into perspective, there are no promised tomorrows - of course there never are but such a diagnosis brings that to the forefront of everything.
I'd looked longingly at the Chilled South West courses previously but never been brave enough to do it. I saw they were running a course for those living with and recovering from cancer treatment. I wanted to do it, but it was an hour and a half drive away and I'd had seizures due to treatment and wasn't allowed to drive, so again I didn't pursue it.
Then I got my licence back and in May 2024 I stepped Into the Blue for the first time!
It wasn't easy, I had to stop half way through as I couldn't manage the drive each week, the fatigue was too much for me. Thankfully in September another course started and I was allowed to try again. I'm so grateful to Ellie and her team for their understanding & flexibility enabling me to have another crack at it.
I've absolutely loved the course. There's a wonderful community that's emerged through Into the Blue with previous groups still meeting up regularly and Scarlett turns up on occasion, she's the van from which breakfast baps, cakes and drinks are sold to raise money for Into the Blue. We sit in wooly hats, hugging our drinks snuggled in dry robes chatting and laughing. A camaraderie exists between everyone, a joint love of the sea and knowing we've each faced so much because of cancer, all of us a different experience, but we get it.
Ellie makes it what it is. She brings us together, she cheers us on, she gently encourages when there appears to be 100 metres of seaweed to navigate before we can swim. She suggests we try dipping our heads under, but there is no pressure. She coaxes us in to the big waves explaining how to navigate them, understanding if we are scared and working with us gently. By the end of the course we are whoop whooping, dipping our heads into the oncoming waves and laughing at the seaweed tangled around us and some even doing handstands.
Loic is always there, our very own lifeguard, keeping us safe. He teaches us what to look for when sea swimming, the important things to take note of like the tide, wind direction, rip currents, jellyfish... another invaluable member of the team doing amazing work.
The Swim Diaries
I've decided to keep a diary of my swims. They are such beautiful experiences and each so different. The calm sparkly seas, then the crazy crashing waves that come one after another, the still lakes and placed rivers surrounded by autumn colours, kingfishers flying overhead from tree to tree, shared with friends.
None of these swims would have been possible without Into The Blue and Ellie's team.
Bigbury-on-Sea - where it all started
May - September 2024
I turned up really unsure what to expect. I borrowed a dry robe and had what I thought was the right gear, turns out I needed better swimming options, things I can easily get off and on under a dry robe. My biggest lesson that day was not to wear a long sleeved top as it's impossible to remove under a robe! Ellie assisted me...!
I had neoprene boots and gloves. These are amazing it helped me not get the initial ohhh that's cold shock on the feet and kept them a bit more toasty. I have always been a bit wary of walking barefoot in the sea thinking unseen creatures would attack, so these afforded me that extra foot security!
We started with introductions, a warm up, a quite moment and then we were off. I marched in determined I'd get in without too much hesitation. Having others with me helped, we encouraged each other and then I was in. It was cold, but it was nice.
The swims have varied. Some were quiet and blissful, I laid on my back and floated watching the sea sparkle in the glorious sunshine, such peace. A butterfly flew by and I watched her as she carried on her way, butterflies were a bit of a theme, I'd always see them on the calm swim days.
Then there were the exhilarating swims when the waves crashed, I learned to duck under the water as they hit and swim through them, far less splashy than jumping them. These waves that broke through me so loudly felt like nothing when I dove through them. But they are fun to jump too. Suddenly a few waves came at once and I was caught off guard, sea water swallowed, eyes closed trying to wipe them off, spluttering for breath... I was still smiling and decided goggles would be a good idea for the future. I've never been able to keep my eyes open under water.
The weather has varied from bright warm sunshine to pouring rain and wind. It's actually easier to get in when the weather is poor as there isn't much temperature difference, and I can duck in the sea out of the wind! However getting changed whilst it's raining and windy is let's say interesting!
By the end of the course I had it all sussed. I knew what to wear for the swim, the easiest clothes to change back into, my flask of hot chocolate and wooly hat at the ready. I was confident enough to invest in my own dry robe..... I can do this...
Monsagro, Spain
In June and July I was fortunate enough to stay with my brother and his wife's family in the stunning village of Monsagro. Monsagro sits in the mountains to the north of Spain, being in the village is like stepping back in time. They have a gorgeous river to swim in, I took the opportunity to visit a few times. The water was cold but it was around 26 degrees outside, it didn't take long to warm up and the cold water was very refreshing! Grace even joined me for a swim here.
Christchurch
We holidayed in the New Forest. I had my swim stuff with me in case the opportunity arose. We decided to head to Christchurch beach and it was beautiful. It was a sparkly sea day. I spotted some swimmers near the lifeguard hut so I asked them if there is anything I should be aware of before getting in. They said it was absolutely fine as there is a massive sandbank so unless you go really far out you can stand the whole way, perfect for my first solo swim!! I checked the Surfers Against Sewage app too to ensure the sea quality was good enough, because I have a compromised immune system I need to be really careful. It's so sad that the water quality around Britain is so bad.
I entered the water and Grace started to come with me, she then decided it was too cold and left me to it. I ventured in further, they were right this wasn't getting any deeper!! I kept going and it got a bit deeper, in the end I laid down and swam in the shallows. It was comforting to know I was safe and could stand, I'm still sussing out the tides, rips etc.
Weymouth
Heading home from our New Forest holiday we stopped at Weymouth, another swim opportunity. Another beach that is shallow for a long way out on another sparkly sea day! Butterflies drifted by, peace.
Coniston Lake
I visited the Lake District in October, I had to miss the last two swims of the Into The Blue course but felt determined I'd still get a swim in. Thankfully I was with an adventurous friend who'd brought her paddleboard. We decided to head for Coniston Lake. We found the perfect spot. Rachel stayed dry in her wetsuit on the paddleboard and thought I was completely mad getting in, but then I think she's completely mad, putting on her trainers and running for miles and miles!
It was cold, I think the coldest water I'd been in. Online it estimated it was around 12 degrees. I took in the autumn colours as I swam around the pontoon and back again, then got out aware that I shouldn't stay in too long and over do it, as much as I was tempted to!
Bellever, Dartmoor
In November I was heading for a day on Dartmoor with a friend and Grace. I decided to take my swim gear just in case we found a suitable spot, we did! Bellever is stunning, a beautiful spot to swim. Janine also thought I was mad, but was very encouraging and I made her take photos for evidence of my November Dartmoor dip. Another very cold one. Grace loved sitting and watching, we had a BBQ near another stream after.
Future Swims
I will continue to meet at Bigbury-on-Sea with the Whole Shoal when I can, that's all those that have completed the course. I wish it were closer, chemo kicked my arse this week and I just couldn't manage the drive, but I will again soon. I'm also hoping for a Boxing Day swim - I used to look at those that did it like they were crazy, now I'm raring to jump in for a Christmas swim!!
On Saturday I'm meeting with the wild swimmers where I live. I'm nervous about the river and how clean it is, but will meet and see how I feel. I know there's certain times not to get in, like after lots of rain, hopefully I'll feel comfortable with it. It would be ideal having a spot just down the road from me.
I’m going to keep a log of my swims, so many beautiful places to visit and I can't wait to do more. Forever grateful to Ellie and the Into the Blue Team and of course the Whole Shoal, especially those who were part of my experience.
If you'd like to learn more about Chill South West and Into the Blue see this website:
https://www.chilluk.org/hubs/england/devon/chill-south-devon
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